thesis statement..

miss dia..
could you check my thesis statement..
it is question from past years paper..-oct2007-

the question:
write an essay of 180 words on why malaysian university students are not good in English..

my answer:
Malaysian university student,sounds like a great person,but how could they can be great if they are not good in English.This happen because of various causes that we simply ignore of it.One of the cause why they are not good in English is that they lack of confident.Other than that,they feel shy to talk among themselves.they also less of exposure in English as it can make them think that English is a hard second language to be learn.